Men

A few years ago the Forester Sisters sang a song about men. It went something like this:

“They buy you dinner, open your door, other than that, what are they good for? Men. They want a girl like the girl that married dear old Dad. That makes me so mad. Talking about men. Well, you can’t beat ‘em up ‘cause they’re bigger than you. You can’t live with them and you just can’t shoot them. Men, we’re talking about men.”

I have to admit, men do have problems with relationships. We grow up playing baseball, football, and basketball. A man thinks “talk” is a four-letter word. He thinks the relationship is going great if he doesn’t have to talk. Putting him in a situation where he has to talk about relationships makes him very uncomfortable. That’s why men go to the bathroom alone; that’s the way God intended it.

Men have difficulty expressing themselves. When my daughters call, I say only three things, “How’s the weather? Need any money? Here’s your mother.” A woman can talk on the phone for thirty minutes, and when you ask her who it was she says, “I don’t know. They had the wrong number.”

Men are simple. Women are complex. Women may even be smarter. Think about it. A woman’s best friend is diamonds, and man’s best friend is a dog.

I know women are more complex than men. When a woman is going out, she has to decide if she is going to wear her hair up or down, flats or high heels, slacks or a dress, casual or dressy dress, stockings, knee-highs or socks, jewelry or no jewelry, lots of make-up or a little make-up. A man picks up some clothes, smells them, and if there is no visible dirt he has himself an outfit. A man makes a fashion statement by turning the brim of his baseball cap backwards. Women dress to express themselves and men dress so they won’t be naked.

I see things in one dimension. It works or it doesn’t work. My wife sees it at a different level. For example, we moved into an almost new house with almost new wallpaper and Penny said, “That’s got to go.” I’m thinking, “Why? It’s almost new, it covers the wall – it works.” She says, “It’s not me.” I say, “It’s not me either; it’s wallpaper.”

We have thirteen pillows on our bed. I ask myself, “Why? I have one head; I need only one pillow.” The difference between men and women is best illustrated when you look at what women carry – a purse. It contains everything they might need. Men carry a wallet. It conveniently contains nothing but money, which means I can buy whatever I need. It’s simple! Women, on the other hand, are complex. Actually, women have many purses. My wife has casual purses and formal purses, and she even has spring purses. Some women even buy a purse just to match their shoes. What would my friends do if I told them I couldn’t wait for them to see my new spring wallet that matches my new shoes? They would run. Men are simple. Women are complex. These differences affect many aspects of a relationship.

When dealing with your wife, let me tell you what simply doesn’t work, especially in the area of gifts. If your last gifts have been things like salad shooters, dust-busters, weed whackers, deluxe irons, and drywall compound, you are in serious trouble. They work, but they don’t work with your wife. I was in serious trouble this year. I thought I did great. I got her a gift certificate. I still messed up; she said I got the wrong size.

Yes, men and women are different. That was God’s plan. The difference is the dynamic. Together we are more than we ever could have been apart. That’s why God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He made him a helper to complete him…or was it to finish him off?

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