I Am Woman Hear Me Roar; I Am Man Tell Me More

A boy who grew up in a town so small the school bus was a yellow Toyota, went to see the town druggist. The only place to shop was the town’s drug store. He told the druggist that he wanted three boxes of candy. He wanted a one pound, a three pound, and a five pound box of candy and asked that they be gift-wrapped. The druggist told him OK and then asked the girl behind the counter to wrap the boxes.

When the candy was ready he told the boy, “Here is your one pound, your three pound, and your five pound boxes of candy. I am a little curious, I don’t want to be nosey but this is an unusual request. Would you mind telling me why you want three different sizes?”

He replied, “I’m so excited sir, I’d love to tell you. I have a date tonight with the cutest girl in the whole school. I’m going to her parents’ house and have dinner and after dinner we are going to go out on the porch. We’re going to sit on the swing. And sir, if she lets me hold her hand, I’m going to give her the one pound box of candy. If she lets me put my arm around her, I’ll give her the three pound box of candy. And sir, if she lets me kiss her, I’m going to give her the five pound box of candy.”

Well, lo and behold, the boy showed up and he was asked to say the blessing. He prayed and prayed. He prayed around the world once and then again and then prayed some more. Finally he quit praying. When he did the girl turned to him and said, “I didn’t know you were so religious.” He said, “I didn’t know your daddy was the druggist!”

I can identify with that little boy. Relationships seem to get more and more confusing. A little girl and boy had just met and were playing. The boy said, “Let’s play baseball.” She said, “I don’t want to do that, baseball is a boys’ game and it’s not feminine to run around in a dusty vacant lot. I’m not going to play baseball.” He said, “How about football?” “No, that’s even less feminine. You have to fall down and get dirty. That’s not a girls’ game.” 
He said, “OK. I have an idea. I’ll race you to the corner.” She replied, “No, let’s play a quiet game, a game where we don’t run and get all sweaty. Besides, girls never race with boys.” The boy scratched his head in confusion trying to think of something they could do and finally he said, “I have it. Let’s play house.” She said, “Good, I’ll be the Daddy.”

Relationships are confusing because you are normal and everyone else is weird. I’ve discovered one of the main problems is in male/female relationships. All of a sudden, you’re prize package has become a surprise package. 
I think the bottom line is that women are just more complex. I know my wife is. For example, If you look in my bathroom you will find about six items – toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor and maybe some hair spray. But if you look in hers there are about 97 items most of which I don’t have a clue what they are.

Then there is the closet. In her closet there are clothes, shoes, and a section for all of her purses. She has brown, black, multi-colored, spring, winter, casual, formal, and Easter purses. My closet, on the other hand, has no such section; I have only one wallet and most of the time I can’t find it.

I guess deep down, men are real shallow. A man can go on a vacation for a week and only carry one suitcase. He can go to the bathroom without taking a support group and he can get a three-pack of underwear for less the $15. He can go to his friend’s house without taking a little surprise gift. Men didn’t grow up saying, “Let’s go to my house and braid our hair and talk.”

So guys, I have some advice. Learn to say just three little words that will revolutionize your relationship. When she tells you about the new color she’s considering for the family room just look in her eyes and say three simple words, “Tell me more.” I guarantee you there will be less of a roar at your house. And ladies remember, when he says, “Tell me more,” he really doesn’t want to know any more. He is only asking because I told him to and he loves you. So think in terms of a pamphlet not a novel. Keep it short with a lot of action, kind of like a Three Stooges movie. He will love it.

http://www.freecomicbelief.com

Mickey Mouse Motivates

Behind the magic, the sparkle, all the fantasy, fireworks, adventure, and discovery is one of the most impressive showcases of management you will ever see run by a mouse. Recently, I had the privilege of looking behind the magic curtain to travel underground to Mickey’s domain and invade the infamous “Small World” of Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. There I learned some valuable principles of management that Mickey Mouse and his entire cast live by.

Walt Disney World strives to understand the kind of people that they are servicing. The bottom line of Disney World’s success is management by story telling. People’s lives are stories, the things they say, and the lives they live. Disney says that success is achieved by successful relationships with people. To establish a good relationship with someone is to understand his story.

Disney World puts its people through a management-training program that consists of telling stories. They tell stories about the people that epitomize those who are their guests. For example, consider the trainee who will be in charge of Dumbo the Flying Elephant. He is not only trained in how to operate Dumbo, but also about the people who are going to ride it. He learns about the little boy who has leukemia and his last wish is to somehow get to ride Dumbo the Flying Elephant. Now when the operator sees a little kid in line, he doesn’t think about operating the ride, he thinks about the little boy with leukemia whose dream is to ride Dumbo the Flying Elephant.

The secret of Disney World is not the methodological and the mechanical; the secret is the people and their spirit on the inside that makes Disney World’s mission important.

I have found that our personal success lies in stories as well. True success is to live our story and enable others to live theirs. We should all have some stories to tell in our companies, our churches, our synagogues and our families. We should also be stories in progress. By the way, thanks for reading my story about Disney and welcome to my stories about life. I have discovered that illustration is more personal than instruction. Stories make the instruction personal and therefore powerful. Humor moistens the needle. It lowers the defenses. So most of these stories are jokes. They’re really jokeries (combines stories and jokes). Since people have told me most of them, forgive me if I tell one of your jokes and I will give you permission to tell some of mine. I hope you find yourself going from “ha ha” to “hummmm and from hummmm to aha”. Be careful, these jokeries could change your life.

http://www.freecomicbelief.com

Stages Of Marriage

As our girls were growing up I spent father/daughter time by taking them individually on a trip. They picked the location and the restaurants. One year Breanne chose Orlando, home of Disney World. Our hotel was right by McDonald's. We had 14 meals at McDonald's that week. I was soon called McCharles. I was able to watch the interaction between parents and their children and most of the kids weren't having fun at a place built for kids. I saw a man dragging his kid while telling him, you're going to see Mickey Mouse. The kid said, But I don't like Mickey Mouse. The father countered, I've driven 677 miles and you're going to see Mickey Mouse. Other children were hurried from ride to ride. Parents were trying to get the best dollar per ride ratio. They figured they had paid $30 and they needed to ride at least 30 rides. That logic made the kids miserable. Here I was at the place made for fun and the kids weren't having any.

Let me ask you something. Have you had any fun lately? I live in a state where people flock to casinos. Why? Do they go to make money? I don't think their IQ Test came back negative. They are looking for fun. I guess the biggest compliment we received as a family was from our niece. She stayed with us for a weekend and said, I like to stay at Uncle Charles and Aunt Penny's house. Its the laughing house. She meant that it was a place where people liked to have fun.

It wasn't always that way. I realized at one point in my life I was against just about everything. My kids would ask, Can we do that? Id say, No its too expensive. Can we do this? No, were Christians. Well how about that? No, its Sunday. My kids would finally ask, Well, what can we do? Nothing. I would say, You have to be miserable the rest of your life just like me.

Sadly, the worst day was Sunday. It is incredible what happens. People scream at each other. You have 28 seconds to eat those Froot Loops, boy, we have to go to church. Praise Jesus. You know how it is when you're trying to get the family ready for church. You have to get everyone dressed and teeth brushed.

Dads are what I call heavenly honkers. The men go out to the car and honk, honk, honk, We have to go, were late! We don't think about helping. We just honk and holler. It was the same when I grew up. We got in the car, slammed a door, and everyone was in a bad mood. We look more steamed than redeemed. We drove by the heathens house. You know the heathens. The father is in his undershirt drinking a Miller Lite and playing softball with the kids. Everyone is laughing and having fun. And in the car its miserable. Just about that time, my Dad sees the heathens. Look at those heathens out there, they don't know the joy of Jesus. My brothers and I made a commitment in the backseat of our car that we would be heathens when we grew up. They seemed to be the only ones having fun. It didn't get any better when we arrived at church. It seemed like someone was always disciplining me for running in Gods house or even His yard.

One Sunday our family decided to get up thirty minutes early for church to lighten the stress. We were ready for church early and no one knew what to do. It had never happened before in our family and probably never happened in the history of Christendom. Jesus had fun. The first public event he went to was a party (wedding feast at Cana). He didn't share the four spiritual laws with anyone he just had fun. My kids are grown and we talk about what them remember as children They didn't remember a single sermon I preached although I preached some good ones. What they do remember is that we had fun.

This Sunday, why don't you try it? Start things a little earlier and on the way home from church you suggest having some fun. Say something like, Why don't we stop and get a pizza and play some video games. Your family will think you're on drugs, or snorting Sweet and Low. They may think they should put dad into some treatment program. Or maybe they will think that Christians can have fun or better yet they may want to be one.

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